There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
