the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
