y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
