this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
