I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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