I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
