he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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