How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
