After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
