I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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