the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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