Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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