Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
