btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
