Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
