i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
operation harelip BJ is a go
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
