Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
