You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
