You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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