Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
