i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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