I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
