We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
