I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
