I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
