I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize