not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
