just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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