My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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