so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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