Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
