I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
