he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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