her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
