just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
