I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
