Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
