So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
