Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
