He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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