People with herpes should wear stickers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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