Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
