Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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