Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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