definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
