Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
