nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
