I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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