No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
