Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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