I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have post one night stand depression
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