This is not my ceiling
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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