So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
