we're chasing vodka with high fives
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
