So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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