I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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