don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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