Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize