So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
