She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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