census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
