Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
