Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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