Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Please don't give away my fajitas
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