you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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