i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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