just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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