just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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