I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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