Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
