i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
