remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
