I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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