you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
