Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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