Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
