fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
