I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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