I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize