hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
