Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
