I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
