omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
