Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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