i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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