dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
