i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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