I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
