if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just googled if crying burns calories
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
pray to the hookup gods
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
