i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
