I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
