Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
