I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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