i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
