i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i've created a new STD.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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