I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
