it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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