the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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