I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
