I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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