im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
